Last year about this time (in fact, one day after my 50th birthday), I was in the middle of reading a very interesting book by Bishop T.D. Jakes called God's Leading Lady. In reviewing Biblical divas, Jakes discussed the character Tabitha (aka Dorcas). Not much is really known about her; in fact, you may not even remember much about her, but Jakes had an interesting perspective on her life.
Dorcas appears in Acts 9:3-43. Basically, she was a solid, dependable, compassionate woman who was a conduit of grace for those in need ("always doing good and helping those in need"). But Dorcas became sick and died. The disciples sent for Peter who was in a nearby town. When Peter arrived he was taken upstairs to the room where Dorcas had been laid. The town widows stood around him crying and showing him the robes and other clothing that Dorcas had made while she was still with them. Peter dismissed the widows and then raised Dorcas from the dead.
Jakes, like many preachers, extrapolates to make a point. He implies that Dorcas gave to everyone but herself. "She depleted her own internal resources until there were no defenses, no hidden provision, no internal well-spring from which she could draw new strength, new power, new life." His next words struck my soul: "Is this you? ...in the crosshairs of the sniper of self-depletion? You give and give and give, listening to the trials and tribulations of the friends and family who clamber over your sympathetic heart. You give and give and give, taking the warmth of soothing provision to those who are sick and hungry and discouraged. My sister, you give and give and give, providing encouragement for the downcast and hope for those who stand on the precipice of despair, attempting to jump. It may feel good for you to give so much of yourself because you know that it's part of your nature, part of the essence of your identity. But then suddenly you find yourself with an empty gas tank on a deserted highway with nothing but a darkened horizon looming in the distance."
"And you may not see it coming. Whether it's the physical toll of skipping meals and losing sleep as you're always on the go, or the emotionally draining pull of the swirling tides produced by so many other people's hurricanes; whether it's the run-down and lethargic demeanor of fatigue or the numbed sting of burnout, you find yourself sick. And then you lose yourself as surely as if you'd vanished off the face of the earth into a mineshaft to the core of our planet."
"You're not physically dead, but you know that the life has all drained out of you."
In 2006 I was there; I didn't die, but I wanted to! I experienced seizures, ended up in counseling, lost my identity. The emotional pain of frustration, disappointment, unmet expectations was more than I could handle. But God...
Jakes clarified two important lessons we must learn from Dorcas:
1) God does not abandon you when you are down--He never forgets the sacrifices and labors of love you extend in your pursuit of legacy. He sends Peters into your life to voice the prayer of healing and offer you a hand to get back on your feet.
2) you must not neglect yourself if you want to fulfill your destiny as His leading lady! Don't get caught up in the life-draining role of martyr as an excuse for not taking better care of your body, your mind, and your spirit. You must take time with Him to replenish what He alone gives you by resting and waiting upon Him. Without the rest of fall and sleep of winter, fruit trees and rose bushes would not be able to bring forth fruit and flowers when the spring rains and summer suns stimulate them again. Even the most productive farmland must be allowed to lie fallow if it is to remain productive.
So what compels me to write this today? I've fallen off the wagon again (see Spark People post)...need to pick myself back up...need to stop neglecting my own needs and take better care of myself so I have more to offer others. I need to be "driven" from the right motivations, in the best directions. Step one? Daily exercise & devotions. [They're always key...but I neglect them. Time to take the next "best" step (or pedal, for you, Tom!)]
btw...this is from my journal dated 11/9/10..."This is my new insult for myself. When I find myself feeling burnt out or stressed, when I neglect my time alone with God, when I sense the weight of unmet or unrealistic expectations, I will say, 'Ruth, you Dorcas!' And remind myself to 1) keep my priorities and lean on God and 2) look for Peters--people who can and will pray for me and help me get back on my feet. I'm not a dork by nature, I'm a Dorcas!"
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
OCD? Proven!
a short entry here: Unintentionally I just proved my own self-declaration of acute OCDism. Today I started a blog. Then I posted multiple entries back-to-back. See? I get obsessed with whatever the current "thing" is and can't let it go until the next "thing" comes along! Professional help needed? :o)
It's ok...really! My compulsions come in waves. Who knows when I'll post next? And I may even accomplish something entirely different in the meantime. (And perhaps, you're OCD too if you read them all) ;o)
It's ok...really! My compulsions come in waves. Who knows when I'll post next? And I may even accomplish something entirely different in the meantime. (And perhaps, you're OCD too if you read them all) ;o)
That's "Terrific"!!!
I am not as crazy as people often think I am. For years I've told people about a show I saw on television in childhood that I couldn't remember well enough to describe vividly enough for anyone else to remember having seen. They all said I must have imagined it.
All I could remember was that it was a black and white show with a bald-headed boss and some crazy younger guy who would swallow a pill that would allow him to fly. Do you remember such a show?
Well...it actually did exist! Fred discovered it yesterday through the amazing venue of YouTube. It was called "Mr. Terrific" and starred Stephen Strimpell, Dick Gaultier, Paul Smith, and John McGiver. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1k57303ZFM video above]
(I have tried previously to find it by googling, but never had any luck which brings up another life mystery question: Can anyone explain to me why appliances/computers/VCRs/TVs/remote controls/vehicles/etc can refuse to work or act quirky for females, but the moment a man walks into the room they work just fine? Do men give off some kind of electrical charge only present in their gender? I KNOW lots of women can relate to this!)
All I could remember was that it was a black and white show with a bald-headed boss and some crazy younger guy who would swallow a pill that would allow him to fly. Do you remember such a show?
Well...it actually did exist! Fred discovered it yesterday through the amazing venue of YouTube. It was called "Mr. Terrific" and starred Stephen Strimpell, Dick Gaultier, Paul Smith, and John McGiver. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1k57303ZFM video above]
(I have tried previously to find it by googling, but never had any luck which brings up another life mystery question: Can anyone explain to me why appliances/computers/VCRs/TVs/remote controls/vehicles/etc can refuse to work or act quirky for females, but the moment a man walks into the room they work just fine? Do men give off some kind of electrical charge only present in their gender? I KNOW lots of women can relate to this!)
Reuniting With Spark People
Here's the impetus for my beginning a blog. Earlier today I looked up this awesome weight loss site I utilized a few years ago. www.sparkpeople.com It's a FREE site that has LOTS of help for anyone interested in becoming more health conscious. After entering my current personal data (weight/ measurements/fitness test results/etc), I chose to write a journal entry describing my current sentiments about myself. That led me to this realization: if I merely SAY I want to become healthy, I know I won't accomplish it. If I let others know of my desire, I'll feel more positive pressure ("drive" both internal and external) to make it happen. So THAT's where the blog idea originated.
But here's my journal entry from yesterday:
OK...here's the gist. I weigh exactly what I did 2 years ago this fall. That could be positive...but I was out-of-shape then. My 3-minute step test then was SO much better than today's. Today's result of 126 places me in the "Poor" category. I knew I was not in good shape, that really confirms it.
For months I've been feeling awful. My calves and forearms are so tight all day long they feel as if they're continually swollen! They don't allow me to sit comfortably or even sleep. I have to take advil to get through the days/nights.
I KNOW I should exercise regularly. I KNOW I feel so much better when I do. I LOVE the high energy feeling of being in shape, but it's been too long since I've felt that way. Every day I tell myself I WILL get up and walk. Every day I start with something else first and then never get around to walking. Granted, I work industriously at whatever I'm doing, but that is not the same as cardiovascular or strength conditioning. I also subvert my own health by making what I know are poor food choices. (Even though I don't eat excessively most days, I don't eat well.) And my chronic knee pain doesn't help and gives me easy rationalizations for avoiding what I know I should be doing.
Six or seven years ago I went from a size 12/14 to a size 4. I didn't lose that much weight really (142 down to a maintainable 125), but it made a tremendous difference in how I felt. My 16-22 year-old-children told me to slow down because they couldn't keep up with my then normal walking pace. And they were all in incredible shape! I took my BMI down from 33 to 17...now that was amazing! Today my BMI is 23.3. While that is still a healthy number (normal for women is 22-25), it is not the best indicator of my overall health.
I have always said that I don't really care what I weigh. I care about how I FEEL and currently I don't feel energetic enough. My hardest challenge in life has always been self-discipline...in all areas. (spiritually, physically, emotionally, housework, bad habits, etc.) and BALANCE. I find that when I start focusing to improve one area of my life, many other areas fall into line where they should.
When I achieved that greatest body shape of my lifetime 6-7 ears ago, my motivation was bi-fold: 1) I no longer was homeschooling and felt that it was finally MY time to become a better me, 2) I realized that with Andrea engaged, it might not be too long into my future before I might have grandchildren and I did NOT want to be too tired and run-down to fully enjoy them!
Three and a half weeks ago I learned that I now am about to be a grandma for the first time! I've even been experiencing "nesting" of a sort. I started renovating the kids' bedrooms and with Fred's help we completely redid all of hem! They look so nice, fresh, and new! (Although I actually began this project before I knew the grandma status was forthcoming.)
I've even got the house attic halfway clean including purging it of all non-memorabilia homeschooling. And I now have the boxes on-hand to complete that task. Then on to my sewing room so I can enjoy making gifts for the grandbaby!
There's much more I want to do! (clean the garage attic & purge it of all non-essentials). Help Fred clean his workshop and study (again purging). Get the yard/house/shed/mower/tools/etc. ready for winter. Finish that room addition bathroom that's been just sitting there for years! Continue to help Melissa with laundry/meals/housework while she suffers with morning sickness. Spend more time connecting with our kids because of the distance that separates us. Sort through our closet (clean/purge). Maybe revamp our bedroom. Paint the foyer & upstairs hallway. Fill the empty picture frames in this house! Have more time for shut-in visitation.
But all that takes energy and motivation. I'm gaining the motivation, but I need the energy. I won't gain energy if I keep avoiding the exercise.
AND...I want to fully enjoy this grandchild. That cannot happen unless I am at the peak of my performance. I really wish I lived near exercise facilities so I could take advantage of them. Driving a half hour each way and paying to use such places deters me. But I make worse time and money choices. It's time once again to focus on my own health. Not just for my own benefit, but for the benefit of all around me. God can use me greater when I'm in greater health.
So....what am I going to do about it?
I can make all kinds of plans, but my plans often fail or I lack follow-through or get discouraged. My mindset is being changed and that is the first step. Once I decide to change, the determination will follow, slowly at first, testing my resolve.
I KNOW I want change. But how much am I really willing to work for it? The next few weeks/months will tell, won't they?
But here I am in this moment. Will I get up from this computer and exercise or will I clean the attic? Both good choices, but one is better! Can I force myself to make the better choice knowing the other choices will find their way to completion or will I continue in my current undisciplined habits?
All great accomplishments are begun with a single step.
(or pedal! I have to say...Tom Roepke has been a great inspiration to me lately. He is 5 years older than I am and if he can take on the challenge of riding 800 miles in just over two weeks, surely I can walk a few miles a day! Way to go, Tom! Way to inspire others!)
But here's my journal entry from yesterday:
OK...here's the gist. I weigh exactly what I did 2 years ago this fall. That could be positive...but I was out-of-shape then. My 3-minute step test then was SO much better than today's. Today's result of 126 places me in the "Poor" category. I knew I was not in good shape, that really confirms it.
For months I've been feeling awful. My calves and forearms are so tight all day long they feel as if they're continually swollen! They don't allow me to sit comfortably or even sleep. I have to take advil to get through the days/nights.
I KNOW I should exercise regularly. I KNOW I feel so much better when I do. I LOVE the high energy feeling of being in shape, but it's been too long since I've felt that way. Every day I tell myself I WILL get up and walk. Every day I start with something else first and then never get around to walking. Granted, I work industriously at whatever I'm doing, but that is not the same as cardiovascular or strength conditioning. I also subvert my own health by making what I know are poor food choices. (Even though I don't eat excessively most days, I don't eat well.) And my chronic knee pain doesn't help and gives me easy rationalizations for avoiding what I know I should be doing.
Six or seven years ago I went from a size 12/14 to a size 4. I didn't lose that much weight really (142 down to a maintainable 125), but it made a tremendous difference in how I felt. My 16-22 year-old-children told me to slow down because they couldn't keep up with my then normal walking pace. And they were all in incredible shape! I took my BMI down from 33 to 17...now that was amazing! Today my BMI is 23.3. While that is still a healthy number (normal for women is 22-25), it is not the best indicator of my overall health.
I have always said that I don't really care what I weigh. I care about how I FEEL and currently I don't feel energetic enough. My hardest challenge in life has always been self-discipline...in all areas. (spiritually, physically, emotionally, housework, bad habits, etc.) and BALANCE. I find that when I start focusing to improve one area of my life, many other areas fall into line where they should.
When I achieved that greatest body shape of my lifetime 6-7 ears ago, my motivation was bi-fold: 1) I no longer was homeschooling and felt that it was finally MY time to become a better me, 2) I realized that with Andrea engaged, it might not be too long into my future before I might have grandchildren and I did NOT want to be too tired and run-down to fully enjoy them!
Three and a half weeks ago I learned that I now am about to be a grandma for the first time! I've even been experiencing "nesting" of a sort. I started renovating the kids' bedrooms and with Fred's help we completely redid all of hem! They look so nice, fresh, and new! (Although I actually began this project before I knew the grandma status was forthcoming.)
I've even got the house attic halfway clean including purging it of all non-memorabilia homeschooling. And I now have the boxes on-hand to complete that task. Then on to my sewing room so I can enjoy making gifts for the grandbaby!
There's much more I want to do! (clean the garage attic & purge it of all non-essentials). Help Fred clean his workshop and study (again purging). Get the yard/house/shed/mower/tools/etc. ready for winter. Finish that room addition bathroom that's been just sitting there for years! Continue to help Melissa with laundry/meals/housework while she suffers with morning sickness. Spend more time connecting with our kids because of the distance that separates us. Sort through our closet (clean/purge). Maybe revamp our bedroom. Paint the foyer & upstairs hallway. Fill the empty picture frames in this house! Have more time for shut-in visitation.
But all that takes energy and motivation. I'm gaining the motivation, but I need the energy. I won't gain energy if I keep avoiding the exercise.
AND...I want to fully enjoy this grandchild. That cannot happen unless I am at the peak of my performance. I really wish I lived near exercise facilities so I could take advantage of them. Driving a half hour each way and paying to use such places deters me. But I make worse time and money choices. It's time once again to focus on my own health. Not just for my own benefit, but for the benefit of all around me. God can use me greater when I'm in greater health.
So....what am I going to do about it?
I can make all kinds of plans, but my plans often fail or I lack follow-through or get discouraged. My mindset is being changed and that is the first step. Once I decide to change, the determination will follow, slowly at first, testing my resolve.
I KNOW I want change. But how much am I really willing to work for it? The next few weeks/months will tell, won't they?
But here I am in this moment. Will I get up from this computer and exercise or will I clean the attic? Both good choices, but one is better! Can I force myself to make the better choice knowing the other choices will find their way to completion or will I continue in my current undisciplined habits?
All great accomplishments are begun with a single step.
(or pedal! I have to say...Tom Roepke has been a great inspiration to me lately. He is 5 years older than I am and if he can take on the challenge of riding 800 miles in just over two weeks, surely I can walk a few miles a day! Way to go, Tom! Way to inspire others!)
Why "Driven"?
Anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit OCD. [OK, a LOT OCD!]
My father always said I could do anything I set my mind to. My problem usually lies in making that mental decision. Hence, I never finished college, never started a "paying" career, and often find myself completely, overwhelmingly absorbed in whatever latest motivation strikes to the detriment of other worthy projects calling for my attention.
That's not all bad. I have a lot of GREAT accomplishments under my belt, not the least of which is the successful raising/educating of four incredible children! If I accomplished nothing else in life, I could still be incredibly proud of that objective alone.
Recently my husband of nearly 30 years bought me my first new car. A new car just seemed to deserve a specialty plate, so it got one: "DRIVEN" The connotations are many, but here are a few that apply to me: the obvious vehicular connotation, driven to love/worship/service/ compassion, driven as in carried away by outside influences (easily swayed by external forces, which we can all be tempted by), driven by internal forces (a specified factor, emotion/feeling/ impulse), driven (as in powered, operated, controlled...hopefully more and more by the Holy Spirit), driven as in "that (behavior, person, you-fill-in-the-blank) drives me crazy!" driven to distraction/obsession/compulsion (definitely suits an OCD type!)
Which "driven" suits you best at this point in your life?
[Today I'm "driven" to create a blog. Something I've never done or considered before. Why? Who knows? One of those impulsive reactions, I suppose. Actually, there IS a reason, but I'll get to that in a subsequent post.]
My father always said I could do anything I set my mind to. My problem usually lies in making that mental decision. Hence, I never finished college, never started a "paying" career, and often find myself completely, overwhelmingly absorbed in whatever latest motivation strikes to the detriment of other worthy projects calling for my attention.
That's not all bad. I have a lot of GREAT accomplishments under my belt, not the least of which is the successful raising/educating of four incredible children! If I accomplished nothing else in life, I could still be incredibly proud of that objective alone.
Recently my husband of nearly 30 years bought me my first new car. A new car just seemed to deserve a specialty plate, so it got one: "DRIVEN" The connotations are many, but here are a few that apply to me: the obvious vehicular connotation, driven to love/worship/service/ compassion, driven as in carried away by outside influences (easily swayed by external forces, which we can all be tempted by), driven by internal forces (a specified factor, emotion/feeling/ impulse), driven (as in powered, operated, controlled...hopefully more and more by the Holy Spirit), driven as in "that (behavior, person, you-fill-in-the-blank) drives me crazy!" driven to distraction/obsession/compulsion (definitely suits an OCD type!)
Which "driven" suits you best at this point in your life?
[Today I'm "driven" to create a blog. Something I've never done or considered before. Why? Who knows? One of those impulsive reactions, I suppose. Actually, there IS a reason, but I'll get to that in a subsequent post.]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)