Last year about this time (in fact, one day after my 50th birthday), I was in the middle of reading a very interesting book by Bishop T.D. Jakes called God's Leading Lady. In reviewing Biblical divas, Jakes discussed the character Tabitha (aka Dorcas). Not much is really known about her; in fact, you may not even remember much about her, but Jakes had an interesting perspective on her life.
Dorcas appears in Acts 9:3-43. Basically, she was a solid, dependable, compassionate woman who was a conduit of grace for those in need ("always doing good and helping those in need"). But Dorcas became sick and died. The disciples sent for Peter who was in a nearby town. When Peter arrived he was taken upstairs to the room where Dorcas had been laid. The town widows stood around him crying and showing him the robes and other clothing that Dorcas had made while she was still with them. Peter dismissed the widows and then raised Dorcas from the dead.
Jakes, like many preachers, extrapolates to make a point. He implies that Dorcas gave to everyone but herself. "She depleted her own internal resources until there were no defenses, no hidden provision, no internal well-spring from which she could draw new strength, new power, new life." His next words struck my soul: "Is this you? ...in the crosshairs of the sniper of self-depletion? You give and give and give, listening to the trials and tribulations of the friends and family who clamber over your sympathetic heart. You give and give and give, taking the warmth of soothing provision to those who are sick and hungry and discouraged. My sister, you give and give and give, providing encouragement for the downcast and hope for those who stand on the precipice of despair, attempting to jump. It may feel good for you to give so much of yourself because you know that it's part of your nature, part of the essence of your identity. But then suddenly you find yourself with an empty gas tank on a deserted highway with nothing but a darkened horizon looming in the distance."
"And you may not see it coming. Whether it's the physical toll of skipping meals and losing sleep as you're always on the go, or the emotionally draining pull of the swirling tides produced by so many other people's hurricanes; whether it's the run-down and lethargic demeanor of fatigue or the numbed sting of burnout, you find yourself sick. And then you lose yourself as surely as if you'd vanished off the face of the earth into a mineshaft to the core of our planet."
"You're not physically dead, but you know that the life has all drained out of you."
In 2006 I was there; I didn't die, but I wanted to! I experienced seizures, ended up in counseling, lost my identity. The emotional pain of frustration, disappointment, unmet expectations was more than I could handle. But God...
Jakes clarified two important lessons we must learn from Dorcas:
1) God does not abandon you when you are down--He never forgets the sacrifices and labors of love you extend in your pursuit of legacy. He sends Peters into your life to voice the prayer of healing and offer you a hand to get back on your feet.
2) you must not neglect yourself if you want to fulfill your destiny as His leading lady! Don't get caught up in the life-draining role of martyr as an excuse for not taking better care of your body, your mind, and your spirit. You must take time with Him to replenish what He alone gives you by resting and waiting upon Him. Without the rest of fall and sleep of winter, fruit trees and rose bushes would not be able to bring forth fruit and flowers when the spring rains and summer suns stimulate them again. Even the most productive farmland must be allowed to lie fallow if it is to remain productive.
So what compels me to write this today? I've fallen off the wagon again (see Spark People post)...need to pick myself back up...need to stop neglecting my own needs and take better care of myself so I have more to offer others. I need to be "driven" from the right motivations, in the best directions. Step one? Daily exercise & devotions. [They're always key...but I neglect them. Time to take the next "best" step (or pedal, for you, Tom!)]
btw...this is from my journal dated 11/9/10..."This is my new insult for myself. When I find myself feeling burnt out or stressed, when I neglect my time alone with God, when I sense the weight of unmet or unrealistic expectations, I will say, 'Ruth, you Dorcas!' And remind myself to 1) keep my priorities and lean on God and 2) look for Peters--people who can and will pray for me and help me get back on my feet. I'm not a dork by nature, I'm a Dorcas!"
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